There aren’t many perfect people out there - even Johnny Depp made The Tourist, and after reading his biography I’m beginning to think Peter Andre isn’t as perfect as I thought he was (My World: In Pictures and Words - a literary tour de force. Read it, thank me later). But we are pretty much good at everything there is to be good at…

Creating flavoured mineral water drinks… creating un-flavoured mineral water drinks… buying Star Wars figurines online… other things…. See? We’re amazing, brilliant and (trust me) sickeningly good-looking.

It’s not surprising then that it turns out we’re actually extremely gifted farmers. Would you look at the size of that egg??!! Why it’s twice the size of that other egg! Now, I don’t know much about biology or physics or nutrition or time-travel, but I do know that feeding our chickens mineral water is definitely the possible cause of their revolutionary are-you-sure-your-chickens-aren’t-really-dinosaurs? sized eggs.

There are unpopular people out there who say eggs are meant to be egg sized. To them we say, “well what if I want a bigger than normal omelette but I’m only in the mood to crack one egg?” They’re the same buzz-kills who claim that you shouldn’t eat ice-cream for dinner or that chess is a sport or that sheep can’t drink sparkling mineral water. Well we say, “why can’t sheep enjoy a refreshing bubbly from time to time?” Or at least, “why can’t we spend a day pouring milk into mineral water bottles so that it looks like they can?” We are pioneers.

So what have we learnt from our trip to the DHMSCO farm? Johnny Depp is only human, our chickens might actually be dinosaurs, and sheep look adorable drinking from mineral water bottles.

And for the record, I still think Peter Andre is perfect. And I’d let him make me a two-egg-with-one-egg omelette any morning.